“One down, two to go.”
It is Hermes that tells me this. Apparently grieving works the same way quitting smoking did for me. It comes in threes.
“It’s the first three days that are the worst. It all comes in threes; Three days, three months, three years, and so on.”
As the sun sets tonight it is the end of the first 24 hours “after”. I’ve never dealt with the death of a loved one like this. My cousin was killed two years ago by a workplace accident, it was awful but we all knew how dangerous his job was. Elderly grandparents who when they are gone you miss but their death was “expected”. Perhaps that is the lesson to take from this grief, well it would be more of refresher. Everything dies. It’s just a matter of when. Your love for them cannot stop this. I’ve mourned a child lost before we had the chance to bring them into the world. I’ve mourned the loss of a close friends still born baby. Lives that ended before they had a chance to really begin. So you’d think that someone dying in their early twenties would be easier somehow. I’m not sure what I mourn the most. The loss of her physical presence or the lost chance of a child to know his mother. The Ancient Irish had written into the Brehon Law that a person could not be prosecuted for any wrong doing(including murdering someone thought to be involved) during the first three days of mourning. One was considered essentially mad with grief and unable to be held accountable for their actions. I get it. There are so many illogical things I wish to do right now. Yell at her parents because no one told me, but what mother would be thinking about that when one of their children is dead. I want to find her son and bring him home to live with us. Fly down to where she is buried so I can weep and keen at her graveside. When my period of intense mourning is done and I feel stronger physically I plan to do some trance work to ensure that she has passed on properly and peacefully and to say my own good byes. I know she still lives and I know I will see her again; Doesn’t help me now though.