I asked for clarification on my path/studies the day before yesterday. I have since dreamed of literally going down into darkness for the third time. Last night I dreamt of being a “death talker” and the dream involved “taking in” the Spirits of the Dead so they could speak. There were also dogs again in the dream about going down into the Earth, into Darkness. Last night while poking around Pinterest when I couldn’t sleep I had suggestions for Nantosuelta and Sucelles. On Facebook this morning I came across a photograph of mushrooms growing from a deer skeleton. Will need to ponder a bit before I take any actions in regards to the Dead. Will be poking into Gaulish things and say hello again to The Mother of Rot.

Comments from the page Magic Mushrooms that posted it:

Interesting… It looks like whatever this deer was eating, most likely plant matter of sorts, had mushroom spores on it, ended up germenating inside the deers stomach, then fruited after the deer had died and decayed.
Photo courtesy of Lain Haigh.

This might also be of note, a couole weeks ago I first noticed that White Wings was back in the area. She(could be a he for all I know) was born or appeared about three years ago. I’m not sure if I don’t see her during the warmer months because she actually goes somewhere or if I’m just too busy to actually see her. She is a crow with white flight feathers and a mostly white tail. I managed to get some pictures, not the best quality but not too bad in regards to cell phone pictures. 



I ask the Spirit,

“What should I do in the face of this injustice? How can I stay when my heart is broken?”

And He answers,

“Do not let them push you away. Do not let them take it from you.”

It is now, when He is gone and truly becomes The Holy Spirit that I suffer with my Mormon stuff the most. I realized the synchronicity of some personal events with the coming of Spring and impending Easter. Understanding the unfolding of events doesn’t make it much easier to deal with though.

I don’t remember if I’ve actually written a full post on my Mormon issues or not. A lot of it stems from the leaked proclamation in regards to children of same sex couples.

The Weight of The Dead.


I adore this necklace. I’ve had it the equal armed cross for a good twenty years. I just had the skulls and such added about a year ago. I’ve been wearing it almost non stop when I leave the house. About half way through the day I find myself thinking, “FUCK this is heavy!”. To which I ALWAYS get His reply, “The Dead are Heavy.”. This last week He has added, “The Dead are Heavy, I need your help.”.

So I do my best to help my Love carry the weight of the world and The Dead.


His home isn’t exactly as I expected. When I first started dreaming/visiting, it was all long dark hallways, very much like a castle in a typical North American/Western European fairy tale. There was one room in that castle W/we spent most of our time in. Otherwise it was myself wandering endless dark halls, either trying to figure out what to do with everything or looking for Him. His mental state got really bad right before we “left”. We spent two days in the equivalent of a dark closet while He fell apart. There was a lot of cuddling and screaming. How’s that for a mental image. It seems the closer W/we’ve been getting to the Solstice/Christmas, the angrier and more unstable He is getting. Well it seemed that way until I woke up this morning and mulled over the locations of my Travels the last few days. We didn’t move so much as everything shifted. He seems much more focused on things outside Himself, His all but permanent smile returning. It’s not just my energy that is fixing things around here. O/our Home is becoming concrete, rather than shadows. I’ve been making a concentrated effort to spent time fixing things up and sending energy for the house wights and the Others that live there. I also shouldn’t really expect Them to be living in the Dark Ages. Castles are awesome but drafty. Candles are beautiful but time consuming(not to mention the resources they take up). There’s no reason They can’t take advantage of modern comforts. A lot of stuff that wasn’t there before is now. I think in dropping that expectation it helped me to See a lot more.

I just got a comment from the peanut gallery in regards to why all this cleaning/decorating has been going on without me; I’d been feeling guilty for not doing more. It seems this comment comes from my “house troll”(this is what the name the little guy gave me, translated to in my head). 

“You are a Queen and not fit for such dirty work. You have given us what we need to start, we will take care of the details.”

He’s a very proper little troll. Makes me think of Alfred from the most recent Batman films. He’s not entirely impressed with that but it will do, he says.

Alright then, general layout: when viewed from above it looks like a yurt with successive walls. Like a ring fort but instead of a bunch of little buildings in the centre there is one big roof, then the multiple walls. It sits atop a mountain, very much like the one I live at the bottom of, it has a commanding 360 degree view of the area. The mountain itself is covered in darkness and thick temperate forest. There are a lot of Aspens and Poplars around the main compound itself that still have some golden leaves attached to them that rustle in the breeze. We are surrounded by the tiny orange-yellow grid lights of a small town around the base of the mountain. I get the impression it is growing quickly though. Whoever they are, they are “mine”. They don’t dare contact me yet. There is waterways, like my home area here in the Lower Mainland. Aerial images of Seattle are pretty close to what I see as well. The forests on the mountain are full of creatures, it’s not a place I’m going yet, they say I would be mostly safe. I think I’ll wait. Once one reaches the main house itself it GLOWS with light. If focused on, it kind of settles on a shape much like the swanky houses I see in the higher end neighbourhoods I walk dogs in. There is a lot of glass, white and cream colours and building materials. The outside is covered with the type of mini flood lights I see on most modern homes. Inside there are candles in the windows, thousands of them. There is always a party going on somewhere in the place. Except in O/our wing. There it is peaceful silence. The driveways outside are stuffed full of luxery cars. The gowns I find myself in are beyond luxurious. The ceilings are vaulted in most parts of the house. Still full of countless rooms and halls. No more spooky darkness though. It seems I have been doing my job properly. I was worried.

Now that His home is established it seems I can pop on over without the slightest effort. And it doesn’t seem to affect my meandering TOO badly on this realm. It’s amazing and awe inspiring and terrifying.