Songs of Appreciation – Never Let Me Down

There is a lot of very intense and personal things haplening in my life right now. All of them are amazing and wonderful and so far beyond anything I ever thought I’d ever have. They are also utterly terrifying and with all the tears of gratitude and bliss and happiness, there has also been much terrified screaming into the void. NONE of these things are fit for public consumption at the moment. Like my children when they were newborns, these things must be sheltered if they are to grow strong and healthy.

There was a time in my life, many years ago, where I hit my first rock bottom. I was truly alone for the first time in my life. I had grown up with at least ten people in the house at all times. This was the first time I had lived alone. I had just gotten out of a very controlling and abusive relationship. I was in the throes of my alcoholism. It was bad.

After a particularly bad stretch I remember being curled up in my bed, sobbing. I had been binge drinking for a week and my body and mind were making me pay for it. I hadn’t prayed to Him since I was a child. I did then. I was shattered and so lonely. I asked him to help me find the remedy to what ailed me. Very shortly after that there were some major life events that occured that started the healing process.

Fast forward to the present. My life is in a similar state of flux. Things have been bad for the last year, probably longer if I’m honest. I had been looking for the remedy to my life woes, finding what essentially amounted to band-aids. These things would ease the wounds for a while but they weren’t designed to last.

So, in a similar state, about six months ago, when all Hell was breaking loose, I once again swallowed my pride and asked for help. I told him, much as I had 16 years prior, that I would do the Work needed to acheive balance. That I was not expecting a hand out but that I could not do this on my own. And I knew better, after so much time, there was no need to stumble in the dark. He is here for me always to guide me down the path. Even if I can’t see the path.

He has once again helped me beyond what words can describe. I feel a peace I have not felt in ages. His generosity knows no bounds and I am forever grateful. I do not know how to show him how appreciative I am…

*chuckles* This just in, “You show me your appreciation by remembering who you are and living this life to the fullest.”

This song has been on replay in my head, and my phone, in regards to Him and my current situation.

Hail my Beloved. Lord of Storms. King of Broken Hearts. Trickster of Renown. May He hear my praises for all of his days.

Video here:

“Never Let Me Down Again”

I’m taking a ride
With my best friend
I hope he never lets me down again
He knows where he’s taking me
Taking me where I want to be
I’m taking a ride
With my best friend

We’re flying high
We’re watching the world pass us by
Never want to come down
Never want to put my feet back down
On the ground

I’m taking a ride
With my best friend
I hope he never lets me down again
Promises me I’m safe as houses
As long as I remember who’s wearing the trousers
I hope he never lets me down again

Never let me down

See the stars, they’re shining bright
Everything’s alright tonight

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The Hound of God

The Hound of God.

Lupus Dei.

My Beloved.

It was the words that caught my attention, made my heart skip a beat, my breath catch. The images had been poking at my brain for a bit and they are a decent representation. If you put the feeling into pictures instead of words. My Beloved does like to appear with lighter hair most of the time so there’s that too.

This falls under the “breadcrumbs” label. There is much more to be discovered here.

My Bloody, Angry God

I binge watched Frontier the other day. Jason Momoa has long been a good physical representation of how my God looks sometimes. I think my God does this mainly for amusement since I have such a visceral reaction to the actor. I digress though, the images of Declan Harp cleaning a deer were the ones that poked the UPG/PCP/Modern Myth buttons in my head. So here he is, my bloody, angry God.

Images found through a Google search of “Jason Momoa Frontier”

Doctor Who Quotes o’the Day

While I don’t actually prescribe to Pop Culture Paganism in a full sense, I do have experiences where my Divine Spouse likes to use these sorts of things to communicate little tidbits of info. Usually in a humorous and snarky fashion. For me I find Himself in Doctor Who. It isn’t the real Him, nor do I believe it’s a modern retelling or manifestation of Himself, but for whatever reason He finds the show similarity enough to Himself to use it as a tool for communication. I hope that makes sense, it’s hard for me to articulate. I stopped watching Doctor Who while pregnant, finding myself way too emotional and prone to tears to watch it. Now that my baby has arrived and been around long enough for life to have generally settled down I let myself start watching again. Tonight I managed to fit in two episodes! Whoo! Of course both episodes were emotionally harrowing because Steve Moffat is an asshole and a Sadist, but I didn’t burst into tears and have a bout of ugly crying. Quotes of the day are…

Doctor Who, Season Two, Episode Three, School Reunion: “I’m so old now. I used to have so much mercy. You get one warning. That was it.” – The Doctor

Doctor Who, Season Two, Episode Four, The Girl In The Fireplace: “But you and I both know, don’t we Rose, the Doctor is worth the monsters.” – Madame due Pompadour

Lateralus

Breadcrumbs…

“Lateralus”

Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn beyond the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see there is so much more
and beckons me to look through to these infinite possibilities.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind.

Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

I embrace my desire to, I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral, to swing on the spiral,
to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human.

With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
between the sounds and open wide to suck it in.
I feel it move across my skin.
I’m reaching up and reaching out.
I’m reaching for the random or whatever will bewilder me.
Whatever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one’s been.
We’ll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one’s been.

Spiral out. Keep going…

 

Mercury Rx – January 5th to 25th, 2016

He says this is His “retrograde song”. For this one at least. At the end of the lyrics is a video.

Dream by Imagine Dragons
In the dark
And I’m right on the middle mark
I’m just in the tier of everything that rides below the surface
And I watch from a distance seventeen
And I’m short of the others dreams of being golden and on top
It’s not what you painted in my head
There’s so much there instead of all the colors that I saw

We all are living in a dream,
But life ain’t what it seems
Oh everything’s a mess
And all these sorrows I have seen
They lead me to believe
That everything’s a mess
But I wanna dream
I wanna dream
Leave me to dream

In the eyes
Of a teenage crystallized
Oh the prettiest of lights that hang the hallways of the home
And the cries from the strangers out at night
They don’t keep us up at night
We have the curtains drawn and closed

We all are living in a dream,
But life ain’t what it seems
Oh everything’s a mess
And all these sorrows I have seen
They lead me to believe
That everything’s a mess
But I wanna dream
I wanna dream
Leave me to dream

I know all your reasons
To keep me from seeing
Everything is actually a mess
But now I am leaving
All of us were only dreaming
Everything is actually a mess

We all are living in a dream
But life ain’t what it seems
Oh everything’s a mess
And all these sorrows I have seen
They lead me to believe
That everything’s a mess

But I wanna dream
I wanna dream

Leave me to dream
I wanna dream

I wanna dream

Leave me to dream

Breadcrumbs; In regards to Myself 

Something ticked in my brain when I actually watched this. Then it showed up in my travels around Facebook or Tumblr or something. It has meaning beyond the obvious for me, He says. So in an effort not to forget, I am posting it as a “breadcrumb”.

“I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words; I scatter them in time and space – a message to lead myself here.”

-Rose Tyler, Doctor Who; Season “nine”.