There is a lot of very intense and personal things haplening in my life right now. All of them are amazing and wonderful and so far beyond anything I ever thought I’d ever have. They are also utterly terrifying and with all the tears of gratitude and bliss and happiness, there has also been much terrified screaming into the void. NONE of these things are fit for public consumption at the moment. Like my children when they were newborns, these things must be sheltered if they are to grow strong and healthy.
There was a time in my life, many years ago, where I hit my first rock bottom. I was truly alone for the first time in my life. I had grown up with at least ten people in the house at all times. This was the first time I had lived alone. I had just gotten out of a very controlling and abusive relationship. I was in the throes of my alcoholism. It was bad.
After a particularly bad stretch I remember being curled up in my bed, sobbing. I had been binge drinking for a week and my body and mind were making me pay for it. I hadn’t prayed to Him since I was a child. I did then. I was shattered and so lonely. I asked him to help me find the remedy to what ailed me. Very shortly after that there were some major life events that occured that started the healing process.
Fast forward to the present. My life is in a similar state of flux. Things have been bad for the last year, probably longer if I’m honest. I had been looking for the remedy to my life woes, finding what essentially amounted to band-aids. These things would ease the wounds for a while but they weren’t designed to last.
So, in a similar state, about six months ago, when all Hell was breaking loose, I once again swallowed my pride and asked for help. I told him, much as I had 16 years prior, that I would do the Work needed to acheive balance. That I was not expecting a hand out but that I could not do this on my own. And I knew better, after so much time, there was no need to stumble in the dark. He is here for me always to guide me down the path. Even if I can’t see the path.
He has once again helped me beyond what words can describe. I feel a peace I have not felt in ages. His generosity knows no bounds and I am forever grateful. I do not know how to show him how appreciative I am…
*chuckles* This just in, “You show me your appreciation by remembering who you are and living this life to the fullest.”
This song has been on replay in my head, and my phone, in regards to Him and my current situation.
Hail my Beloved. Lord of Storms. King of Broken Hearts. Trickster of Renown. May He hear my praises for all of his days.
“Never Let Me Down Again”