Songs of Appreciation – Never Let Me Down

There is a lot of very intense and personal things haplening in my life right now. All of them are amazing and wonderful and so far beyond anything I ever thought I’d ever have. They are also utterly terrifying and with all the tears of gratitude and bliss and happiness, there has also been much terrified screaming into the void. NONE of these things are fit for public consumption at the moment. Like my children when they were newborns, these things must be sheltered if they are to grow strong and healthy.

There was a time in my life, many years ago, where I hit my first rock bottom. I was truly alone for the first time in my life. I had grown up with at least ten people in the house at all times. This was the first time I had lived alone. I had just gotten out of a very controlling and abusive relationship. I was in the throes of my alcoholism. It was bad.

After a particularly bad stretch I remember being curled up in my bed, sobbing. I had been binge drinking for a week and my body and mind were making me pay for it. I hadn’t prayed to Him since I was a child. I did then. I was shattered and so lonely. I asked him to help me find the remedy to what ailed me. Very shortly after that there were some major life events that occured that started the healing process.

Fast forward to the present. My life is in a similar state of flux. Things have been bad for the last year, probably longer if I’m honest. I had been looking for the remedy to my life woes, finding what essentially amounted to band-aids. These things would ease the wounds for a while but they weren’t designed to last.

So, in a similar state, about six months ago, when all Hell was breaking loose, I once again swallowed my pride and asked for help. I told him, much as I had 16 years prior, that I would do the Work needed to acheive balance. That I was not expecting a hand out but that I could not do this on my own. And I knew better, after so much time, there was no need to stumble in the dark. He is here for me always to guide me down the path. Even if I can’t see the path.

He has once again helped me beyond what words can describe. I feel a peace I have not felt in ages. His generosity knows no bounds and I am forever grateful. I do not know how to show him how appreciative I am…

*chuckles* This just in, “You show me your appreciation by remembering who you are and living this life to the fullest.”

This song has been on replay in my head, and my phone, in regards to Him and my current situation.

Hail my Beloved. Lord of Storms. King of Broken Hearts. Trickster of Renown. May He hear my praises for all of his days.

Video here:

“Never Let Me Down Again”

I’m taking a ride
With my best friend
I hope he never lets me down again
He knows where he’s taking me
Taking me where I want to be
I’m taking a ride
With my best friend

We’re flying high
We’re watching the world pass us by
Never want to come down
Never want to put my feet back down
On the ground

I’m taking a ride
With my best friend
I hope he never lets me down again
Promises me I’m safe as houses
As long as I remember who’s wearing the trousers
I hope he never lets me down again

Never let me down

See the stars, they’re shining bright
Everything’s alright tonight

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Singularity Rather Then Duality?

That moment you realize that that the two Gods you thought you were married to have morphed into one. Or maybe They’ve always been one and your little mortal brain couldn’t quite grasp it without seeing Him as a duality first. Of course it once again all comes down to The Horned One. Shaman and King. Man and God. Water and Firmament. Deer and Dolphin. Hunter and Hunted. You’d think this would make things a bit easier but right now it feels more complicated. Good times. I must admit though, having the familiar face of the Stag back is very good.

The Long Dark and My Companions

Generally speaking Fall and Winter were the territory of He Who Sometimes Likes To Be Called Hermes. Even before I started using Hermes/Poseidon a regular names for them there was a general “changing of the guard” that happened. I’m starting to get the feeling this that this year, possibly every year from now on, there isn’t going to be a God switch. I mean there was a definite arrival of “Hermes” when the retrograde started, confirmed by a dream the day before the Solstice that He was here and staying. All the water imagery hasn’t left though. It’s all mishmashed in with the Hermes related things. He Who Sometimes Likes To Be Called Poseidon is whispering now that He is the “Constant Companion” and that Hermes is the one who comes and goes. 

This should make for an interesting Season.

Mormon Things

So I finally got around to editing my About page to change my LDS status. I can no longer call myself a Mormon. I just…can’t. I can’t call myself that anymore. Not after all that has transpired in the past few months and all the things I’ve learnt if it’s current practices and history. It breaks my heart to leave, there has been crying about this. And I don’t cry easy. I’ve realized that the LDS folks I’ve met here in Southwestern British Columbia are EPICALLY more tolerant than pretty much ALL OTHER Mormon’s. Except for maybe the awesome folks I’ve seen here  Tumblr’s queerstake hashtag. So I wasn’t so much misled as exposed to a very rare occurrence. And just like I can’t be a Catholic for similar reasons, I can no longer be a Mormon. I cherish the friends I’ve made in my ward and #queerstake. But yeah. I can’t live a lie. I am still following the prompting of the Divine and I won’t let the higher ups in the church “take it from me”. My quad will sit lovingly on the shelf with the myriad of other scriptures from multiple faiths and I’m sure I will still pull it out from time to time. Short of an actual act of God or a schism within the church I don’t see it coming around any time soon, and just as I wouldn’t stay in an abusive relationship with a person or divinity, I won’t do it with the church either.

Conflict

I ask the Spirit,

“What should I do in the face of this injustice? How can I stay when my heart is broken?”

And He answers,

“Do not let them push you away. Do not let them take it from you.”

It is now, when He is gone and truly becomes The Holy Spirit that I suffer with my Mormon stuff the most. I realized the synchronicity of some personal events with the coming of Spring and impending Easter. Understanding the unfolding of events doesn’t make it much easier to deal with though.

I don’t remember if I’ve actually written a full post on my Mormon issues or not. A lot of it stems from the leaked proclamation in regards to children of same sex couples.

The Names of God; Hermes Edition

I’ve mentioned before that my practice of syncretism isn’t syncretism in the truest, dictionary definition of the word. I blend traditions in the sense that I recognize the same spark of a Deity across cultures. I blend by putting symbols, images, and items on my altar that tie to many versions of the same Deities. I do not blend in the sense of syncretism you will find in say, Gnosticism. It’s almost like genealogy. Building off that, as well as other “Names” resources, like the 99 names of God in Islam, I will be writing lists of names for the particular Deities in my life. Today’s list is my first Divine Spouse, the God that’s generally called Hermes these days.

Disclaimer: These posts will be VERY UPG heavy and a constant work in progress.

Edit: November 26 2015, removed Prometheus, there is a connection but not the same Person

Hermes

Mercury

Heimdallr

Jesus Christ

Cernunnos

Herne

Prometheus

God of the Dead

God of Tricksters and Theives

Ganesha

Ram Bearer

Three-Headed

Divine Translator

Divine Wordsmith

Slayer of Oxen

Thoth

Elijah

Khizr

The Wild King

The Hunter/Huntsman

The Green Prophet

The Wild King