“I’m scared,” I whisper to Him in the Storm. We are surrounded by Darkness. I cannot see Him yet. I feel Him though, His warm embrace from behind. The reassurance of His size, the weight of Him. He has black wings. The Man in Black. He presses His lips to my ear, “I am with you always, I never really leave you. We are bound together, you and I, always. Follow me into the Dark. I will show you the way. Trust in me and I will see you through.”
There is a lot of very intense and personal things haplening in my life right now. All of them are amazing and wonderful and so far beyond anything I ever thought I’d ever have. They are also utterly terrifying and with all the tears of gratitude and bliss and happiness, there has also been much terrified screaming into the void. NONE of these things are fit for public consumption at the moment. Like my children when they were newborns, these things must be sheltered if they are to grow strong and healthy.
There was a time in my life, many years ago, where I hit my first rock bottom. I was truly alone for the first time in my life. I had grown up with at least ten people in the house at all times. This was the first time I had lived alone. I had just gotten out of a very controlling and abusive relationship. I was in the throes of my alcoholism. It was bad.
After a particularly bad stretch I remember being curled up in my bed, sobbing. I had been binge drinking for a week and my body and mind were making me pay for it. I hadn’t prayed to Him since I was a child. I did then. I was shattered and so lonely. I asked him to help me find the remedy to what ailed me. Very shortly after that there were some major life events that occured that started the healing process.
Fast forward to the present. My life is in a similar state of flux. Things have been bad for the last year, probably longer if I’m honest. I had been looking for the remedy to my life woes, finding what essentially amounted to band-aids. These things would ease the wounds for a while but they weren’t designed to last.
So, in a similar state, about six months ago, when all Hell was breaking loose, I once again swallowed my pride and asked for help. I told him, much as I had 16 years prior, that I would do the Work needed to acheive balance. That I was not expecting a hand out but that I could not do this on my own. And I knew better, after so much time, there was no need to stumble in the dark. He is here for me always to guide me down the path. Even if I can’t see the path.
He has once again helped me beyond what words can describe. I feel a peace I have not felt in ages. His generosity knows no bounds and I am forever grateful. I do not know how to show him how appreciative I am…
*chuckles* This just in, “You show me your appreciation by remembering who you are and living this life to the fullest.”
This song has been on replay in my head, and my phone, in regards to Him and my current situation.
Hail my Beloved. Lord of Storms. King of Broken Hearts. Trickster of Renown. May He hear my praises for all of his days.
“Never Let Me Down Again”
Deep thoughts on science and religion. I’ve always been in the habit of mixing science and spirituality. Mythology is generally the mortal attempt to explain and understand the infinite. Man created the Gods by giving them names and stories and faces since it can be difficult to relate on a personal level to a glowing ball of light. Or a presence so immense as to be infinite. Generally speaking most Gods were human before they were Gods. Ancestor worship on a grand scale.
I seem fixated on the death of the Creator God sometimes. It usually manifests itself in the story of Ymir. I am quite certain the Creator has been destroyed…that They are Dead…but since time is not linear, and the nature of energy is to change, not actually be destroyed, the Creator is still with us but also still in Their original form. As my good friend at Foxglove and Firmitas said to me once, “Welcome to Camp Yes/No!”. This quote works for so many things, but I digress. This interest manifests in a scientific sense for me as The Big Bang and practices of the scientific methods like the Loss on Ignition. There is always something lost in the change. Much matter was destroyed in The Big Bang’s ignition but a lot was created. And since not all of the Creator was destroyed, that energy is still with us, in us, around us. But They are diminished.
Science has been weaving nicely into my spirituality lately. It feels right and more in depth and well rounded, to have myth and science coincide. This also happens when I find more tid bits of history, archeology, and that sort of info too. I’ve just been watching a lot of science shows with my son lately so it’s something I’ve had the chance to think about.
There will be more science and spirituality posts!
The Final Harvest
Hail to the Dead
Who we honour at The Final Harvest
That which is remembered never truly dies.
Hail to the Beloved Dead
Those we kept close during life
Those who filled our hearts with love.
Hail to the Lost Dead
Those we never knew
Those we will never know due to the distance of Time and Place.
Hail to the Forgotten Dead
Those who have been lost and forgotten
Those whose names we do not know due to treachery and loss.
Hail to the Glorious Dead
Those who fell in combat
Those who survived and lived with the scars to pass later.
Hail to the Innocent Dead
Lost children and babes
Those who did not take a breath, or very few.
Hail to all those who have gone before us
The Veil is all but gone this night
We hear you and remember you.
-Angela Kurkiewicz, Samhain 2016
I asked for clarification on my path/studies the day before yesterday. I have since dreamed of literally going down into darkness for the third time. Last night I dreamt of being a “death talker” and the dream involved “taking in” the Spirits of the Dead so they could speak. There were also dogs again in the dream about going down into the Earth, into Darkness. Last night while poking around Pinterest when I couldn’t sleep I had suggestions for Nantosuelta and Sucelles. On Facebook this morning I came across a photograph of mushrooms growing from a deer skeleton. Will need to ponder a bit before I take any actions in regards to the Dead. Will be poking into Gaulish things and say hello again to The Mother of Rot.
Comments from the page Magic Mushrooms that posted it:
Interesting… It looks like whatever this deer was eating, most likely plant matter of sorts, had mushroom spores on it, ended up germenating inside the deers stomach, then fruited after the deer had died and decayed.
Photo courtesy of Lain Haigh.
This might also be of note, a couole weeks ago I first noticed that White Wings was back in the area. She(could be a he for all I know) was born or appeared about three years ago. I’m not sure if I don’t see her during the warmer months because she actually goes somewhere or if I’m just too busy to actually see her. She is a crow with white flight feathers and a mostly white tail. I managed to get some pictures, not the best quality but not too bad in regards to cell phone pictures.
Something ticked in my brain when I actually watched this. Then it showed up in my travels around Facebook or Tumblr or something. It has meaning beyond the obvious for me, He says. So in an effort not to forget, I am posting it as a “breadcrumb”.
“I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words; I scatter them in time and space – a message to lead myself here.”
-Rose Tyler, Doctor Who; Season “nine”.
And because I’m a glutton for punishment and the handful of blogs I have on WordPress are not enough, I have a Tumblr now.