He Is Many Things

Sometimes he is wind and darkness.

Sometimes a light so bright you cannot see.

He is fire and water.

He is the wolf and the dragon.

One and a Twin.

Things are very “Manannan” right now. It kinda slipped my mind that it was time for Them to Switch. Well far past time, the Switch is generally around Beltaine (May 1st-ish). The Other stuck around longer then usual, it’s only been since about the middle of June that He “left”. I’ve yet to figure out if the two of Them are two different aspects of the same God, or REALLY are two different Gods, Divine Twins, who are so similar and work so closely together that it’s almost impossible to tell where One ends and the Other begins.

*photo from a Google search for ” Jason Mamoa Aquaman”, cuz my Gods like to use modern imagery quite often

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The Voices In My Head

Found this article on the Proto-Indo-European language. I’ve heard something like this in my head since I was a child. I hear it in my dreams. It gave me chills. You can listen to the story below and find the article here.

Here’s the translation of the story (which may sound familiar to people who watched the movie Prometheus):

A sheep that had no wool saw horses, one of them pulling a heavy wagon, one carrying a big load, and one carrying a man quickly. The sheep said to the horses: “My heart pains me, seeing a man driving horses.” The horses said: “Listen, sheep, our hearts pain us when we see this: a man, the master, makes the wool of the sheep into a warm garment for himself. And the sheep has no wool.” Having heard this, the sheep fled into the plain.

Still reeling….

Yesterday was the Celebration of Life for my cousin Mark who was tragically killed while at work a couple weeks ago. I’m not ready to write about it yet but I wanted to record a few notes on the day before they slip my mind.

  • On the way to the ferry I asked An Mórrígan and Odin to be with me and give me strength. I started to ask Odin if He was with me, then changed my mind, decided to trust and just asked that He give me strength and if it wasn’t too much trouble if he could give me a sign that He was about. A minute or two later I saw a Bald Eagle sitting on top of an old farm building. A minute after that my Mom spotted a pair of them which I managed to see also before we drove past.
  • A good 15 minutes down the road I saw a young Golden Eagle, sitting on a road sign if I remember correctly, a very nice clear view since He was so close to the car.
  • It began to rain heavily just before the service started, as if the skies were weeping for Mark
  • During the service there were some major technical glitches with the slideshow, both my Father and I both said it was Mark messing with things, it’s totally something he would do.
  • He was most definitely with us
  • About an hour into the drive back down to Nanaimo to catch the ferry I saw a VERY large Raven sitting on top of a conifer. This pleased me immensely
  • The Seas were particularly calm on the way home, this seemed significant, not sure why
  • I was VERY glad my Husband convinced me to bring our Son. He helped me and everyone else deal with the grief.

I will be writing a full post on Mark and his passing. Just not sure when.

Woden’s Day

As I mentioned in a previous post things have been a little hectic in my Spiritual life. My adventures in Monotheism have ended, I’ve taken many good lessons from it. The main one being that while I do believe that all Paths lead to the One God, or the Source, not ALL Gods are ONE God. They are all unique individuals who deserve to be treated as such. My studies of the Abrahamic Faiths helped me to overcome my unfriendly knee-jerk reaction to male identified Divinity. I’ve always been much more comfortable around Goddess’s. The Gods I find either uninteresting or overwhelming. It seems with the female based energy I feel more at home because it is what I can most relate to. While male energy has a much more visceral reaction from me. While I am not exactly over the fear, and yes that is what the problem is, fear, I am definitely taking some very big steps.

The Norse Gods/Goddesses have been my visitors as of late. If you have read my previous posts you will have learned of my interactions with a male God who I was quite convinced was Cernunnos. Seems I was wrong. Well, close but not quite. Odin has made a very intense and intimate appearance. He floats on the edges of my consciousness now. His first attempts at getting my attention scared the wits out of me and I ran for my life, figuratively speaking. So He is taking things much slower now. Much to my annoyance and comfort. It seems I can never be happy, haha! GIVE IT ALL TO ME NOW! NO WAIT! GET AWAY FROM ME!! 😛
I had very vivid dreams with Him, three days in a row. Dreams where HE was ACTUALLY there, in the flesh, so to speak. I’m not going into details as to what happened, they are for my eyes only, but I am feeling much more at ease. My sense of self-worth is higher. He hasn’t made an appearance since, regardless of my requests (asking, demanding, pleading) but He has been working through others. I was trailed by Crows, Bald Eagles and Red Tailed Hawks. Beth Lynch, whose blog you can find here and who also writes on Pagan Square, seems to have impeccable timing. When I was feeling lost she mentioned her book, Water from the Well and Other Wyrd Tales of Odinwhich I promptly bought and have burned through already. I can’t explain how helpful it has been. I feel much calmer and connected to Odin and the Norse Gods in general. I was wondering where to start with ritual practice, lo and behold she posted the first in a series of “how to” articles on Pagan Square, which you can read here. She also spins yarn, which I have been called to do recently, her items are incredible and amazing and I want them all! Her Etsy store is here. Needless to say, she’s my new favourite person.

On spinning and yarn and such. I am still floundering in the waters of NEW but I have found that Frigg, Odin’s Goddess-Wife, spins (among other things). So I have been slowing collecting information on her. I’m unsure right now if I am supposed to be emulating Frigg or actually talking with Her. Only time will tell.

Since Odin is the centre of my practice at the moment I have designated Wednesday as my spiritual pursuit day. So every Wednesday (Woden’s/Odin’s Day) I will write in this blog at the very least. Hopefully get some spinning done and some crochet. Some educational reading is also on the list.

As far as An Morrigan and Cernunnos go, I still feel Her, she is sitting calmly on the sidelines. I’m unsure if I still feel Him, Odin seems to overshadow any other Male influences. They are like my parents and I am the child who has just graduated college. They are there for me but I’m also kind of on my own. That’s how it feels right now anyways.

My Druid studies are in a bit of a standstill. Hopefully I will get that going again soon.

That’s all for now.

 

Talu

I had a baby crow when I was 17/18. I only had him for about a week before he died. He had the most beautiful blue eyes. I came home from work and my Aunt and Uncle were sitting in the living room with my Mom, grinning. They told me they had something for me and pointed to a box. I opened it and this little baby looked up at me. I picked him up, my heart filled with love already. He cocked his head and looked at me and then hopped onto my shoulder and buried himself in my hair. I named him Talu, possibly spelt Tallu. That was the name that came to mind. It might not even be spelt like that, that’s how it sounds. I was heart broken when he died. He had fallen out of a tree so I’m sure he was wounded internally. I still wonder sometimes if he starved to death. I was still in high school and working full time. My Aunt and Uncle (who raised birds for sale) said they would care for him. What made his death even worse was that they just dumped him into the garbage can. I retrieved him and gave him a proper burial. I still have some of his feathers. I almost forgot his name today as he came to mind. I was looking through artwork of An Morrigan. I wanted to write a post about the little one so I don’t ever forget. Much love to my little soldier. The picture below isn’t actually of him. But it’s pretty close.

baby-crow

Pooka and Dreams

I’ve been having some really intense dreams of late. Night before last I was visited by a dark skinned warrior God, think Eli from The Book of Eli, strangely enough. That is a post in and of itself that I will get to at a later date.

Last night in my dreams I had a visit from a Pooka. The Pooka is described by some as a goblin and by others as one of the Aos Si, the fairy folk, a nature spirit. Depending on who you talk to they can be benevolent or malicious. The one that visited me came in the form of a black Irish Wolfhound, a female I would say going by the size, with white feet and a white patch on the chest. Seemed a bit wary but most definitely friendly. She appeared at the feet of a man, a very tall man with red curly hair. Incidentally in my dream this man was technically a good friend I had in high school but with dreams things are never as they seem. She appeared from behind him, stood by his feet for a moment before scampering about in the grass and tree’s at the side of the road, (we were standing at a bus stop), looking back at me from time to time, tongue lolling and one of those sweet doggy smiles. I suppose there is a good chance she was trying to get me to come along. I will meditate again tonight and see if she returns.

Image

This image came from PuppySites.com, which links to Avoglia Irish Wolfhounds

Lent – Day 11 or My Thoughts In The Desert

Allah is the Many, the One and Nothing,
Male, Female and neither.

Allah has many faces, many voices,
Who am I to question the validity of any Path?

By communing with and honouring the many faces of God
Am I not following the Law of Love?
To Love all that is in Allah’s creation, in all it’s many forms?

If All has come from Allah,
All is Allah’s Creation,
When I speak to An Morrigan, Cernunnos, Cailleach Bheur,
Am I not speaking to Allah?

Reap the Whirlwind

It’s been awhile since I posted. Things have been…interesting. My sense of time is shot so I can’t really say when this all started but here’s the story.

I was feeling a major disconnect from my Gods. Which was very strange since I had so much intense contact with Cernunnos up to that point. I felt adrift and lost. Through various avenues I was led to Islam, more specifically Sufism. I dived head first into the literature. It resonates with me deeply. The Call to Prayer moves me to tears. The simplicity of it, the “pureness” of it seemed to click. I am still reading feverishly but there have been some interesting developments. I have taken Shahada myself and do consider myself a Sufi Muslim. The funny thing is I still consider myself a Celtic Reconstructionist Druid. Complicated I know. I guess it was a month, maybe two? I read and studied and felt at home in this faith. There was a deep pang of loss though. As if people very near and dear to me had died or I was living on the other side of the world and wasn’t sure of if I would ever see them again. A dear friend of mine, who is also following the Straight Path that Islam teaches, we basically converted at the same time, wrote to me of her own inner conflict. She spoke of the call of the Celtic faith, in particular the Bandruid (female Druid’s) of Avalon and the Call of the Land. I had one of my moments of sagely wisdom which I will find eventually and add on to the end of this post. Basically what I told her was it was totally okay to feel these things and it would be totally okay to practice it. I even found scripture from the Qu’ran to back it up. Shortly after that  some of my fellow members of Ord na Darach Gile invited me to the new Grove they had started, the Druid Grove of Two Coasts. I immediately felt at home and read about the apprenticeship they offer and felt compelled to start it. I did not start right away though. Now I was feeling conflicted because of my belief in Sufism. Could I study both? Seeming as far as my view of the Divine goes the Many are One and the One is Many, I didn’t see why not. But still I hesitated.

Then the dreams started. Not those fuzzy dreams you barely remember in the morning. Those dreams that kick you in the gut, that you can feel physically, mentally and spiritually for DAYS afterwards. Two nights in a row I dreamt of my father, of him leaving my mother, divorcing her. I wept and my heart broke and I kept asking him why and he would never give me an answer, just give me this broken hearted look. The next night I dreamt of a woman, who was a friend of mine, not someone in real life, I think it may have been a representation of me. I was living with her and she was married to this man who came across as a nice fellow but the more time you spent with him the more you realized how much of a misogynist he was. Something happened, I don’t remember what but he became angry and the woman pleaded with me to stop whatever it was that I was doing and I remember saying, “He really doesn’t like to share the spotlight does he?”. My mother then appeared at the door with a baby carriage and smiled at me and I knew I had to go with her. I tried to convince the woman to come with me but she would not. So I walked out with my mom and the baby, we walked through a housing complex to a minivan which was hers, she stood beside it and smiled as I kept walking. I don’t know of I pushed the carriage or if it just came with me but I arrived at this large white house and walked up the stairs to the front door. My father was standing in the driveway, smiling up at me. I rang the bell and opened the door and this HUGE white dog, kind of looked like a Great Dane, looked like this fellow but pure white, greeted me with a huge doggy smile and stood up on his hind legs, putting his paws on my shoulders, the joy that exuded of of him was amazing. Off to my left there was a young man, smiling so very warmly at me, I believe he was holding food. At his feet stood a red nose pitbull with a white chest who seemed very demure. The giant white dog took his paws off my shoulders and stood, wagging his tail and turned to the right to look at a woman, who I caught sight of just out of the corner of my eyes before I awoke. When I opened my eyes I felt a very strong sense of welcoming, like a welcome home. It just so happened that day I had applied for and accepted my Apprenticeship with the GoTC. A few days later I had a very intimate dream involving my Beloved who for some reason appeared as Barney from How I Met Your Mother. How’s that for comic relief? He usually appears to appears as a young man with blond hair….but Barney?? I need to muse over that some more. So needless to say I have been welcomed “home” in every way possible.

I do still feel a bit conflicted since I still feel drawn to Islam. I was reading bits of an article a few days ago about the original settlers of Ireland not being “Celtic” but coming from the Middle East and Spain…which if you have studied as much Celtic history as I have  then it totally makes sense. So I feel that studying Islam is just another way that I am reaching into the past to connect with my Ancestors but very obviously CR Druidry is my home. Spirituality is fluid though and changes like the seasons. Maybe this time next year I’ll be a Catholic. *wink*